With the advent of future 1990′s technology, we humans started to pay for things with plastic cards. And when we use these little cards to pay for things, we are occasionally asked to sign a receipt to prove that we did in fact use our plastic cards to pay for the thing we just paid for.
Other times not so much. And this becomes even more convoluted considering it is also optional for us receive a copy of the receipt proving that we paid for the thing we just paid for.
And considering YOU just bought a Sean Hannity shaped dildo, and you don’t want your liberal friends to find out, since they all bought Anderson Cooper dildos in support of progressive politics.But you on the other hand just find Sean Hannity attractive on a purely superficial level and don’t actually support any of his ideas of marriage, race culture in America, or that since he’s an upperclass white heterosexual male, who is so out of touch with the rest of the world that he might as well be living under a rock on the ass-side of Jupiter, this makes him an expert on how blacks, hispanics, latinos, homosexuals, native americans, asians, bisexuals, asexuals, and those who make less than $250,000 a year live and should live their lives.
(Sean Hannity doesn’t believe in transexuals)
Anyway, obviously your liberal friends, who are too busy sharing ti-chi recipes and discussing how to make Priuses even more lame, won’t understand the secret love you share for the Hannity, so when you pay for the handsome dildo with a credit card (really it’s a debt card, no one’s dumb enough to get a credit card after the credit companies enslaved all of Generation X in the 90′s), the cashier asks if you want a receipt, and you say no to cover your tracks. And this case he doesn’t give you one since he asked if you wanted one.
Another scenario he doesn’t ask and just gives you a receipt anyway, forcing you now to hide hard evidence that you’ve betrayed all of your pompous friends via sex toy.
Or he has you sign a store copy of the receipt and then asks if you want a copy.
OR he has you sign a store copy of the receipt and then gives you a copy anyway.
OR he has you sign a store copy and hands you your receipt and doesn’t specify which is which so you end up signing both like an idiot with a weird fetish for conservative TV pundits (and unfortunately this doesn’t include Stephen Colbert, since your libido understands satire).
OR he doesn’t hand you a copy to sign or your own copy, without saying a word to you, causing you to hover next to the counter like a complete village idiot for several lingering seconds that feel like an unending, deathless eternity until he finally looks up at you like you just walked off the short bus by accident.
Seriously do you know how awkward it is to just stand there in front of the cashier at the Barro’s a few miles down from your college, waiting to see if some magical paper will come your way via overworked, underpaid, under appreciated liberal arts major, who could of just asked if you wanted a copy of your receipt instead of just breaking eye contact and looking down at the register like he’s doing something productive, even though his current task at hand isn’t finished until you have moved on and the next person in line takes your place. AND there is a lot of people in line since apparently 11:50 is the entire City of Scottsdale’s lunch break.
So you’re just the asshole holding everyone up for no reason because the cashier as sure as hell moved on to the cow waiting for slaughter, and by slaughter I mean reasonable priced pizza that is insanely good, ok the metaphor doesn’t really work but you get the visual for this totally fictional situation that totally didn’t happen early today.
You know there’s this part of multiverse theory that states that with every choice you make, at least one other universe forms in which you didn’t make that choice, like one universe where you did buy the Anderson Cooper dildo, one universe where didn’t get addicted to Tumblr and fail senior year of high school, one where you didn’t look like a complete dumbass in front of bunch of random strangers.
Seriously if every choice we make does create another universe, the amount of universes created by the utter inconsistency in the cashier staff of America in regards to how they handle the receipt giving/and or not giving has got to be flooding the multiverse with an infinite amount of pointless universes as pointless as the one we’re living in because back in 2004 Janet signed a store copy of the receipt for her Sean Hannity shaped dildo.
No wonder Owlman wanted to blow up Earth Prime just to end it all.
Truly a hero to us all.
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